god is a concept...

...by which we measure our pain - john lennon

each and every one of us has that one defining moment that makes us who we are.  mine came when i was in the sixth grade.  i was in my new science class and the teacher had words something to this effect posted above the blackboard:

"what makes man different from all the other animals is the ability to ask the question 'why?'."

this struck me profoundly at that tender age of eleven as i struggled to understand its significance and it has stayed with me forever after. throughout the ensuing years those words echoed in my mind as i embarked upon many personal journeys and studies of religion, philosophy, science and altered consciousness. i became a truth seeker. and i was seeking the ultimate truth: who am i and why am i here? even as a young child i questioned everything around me not satisfied with the pat answers handed me by teachers, preachers, theologians, society, etc.

Why?

the more i searched the less i found in the way of answers. as i pondered my existence i only found more questions:  why me? why here? why now? what is before time? what is after the universe? how can i comprehend time and space, eternity even, if my point of reference is a linear existence? who am i? why am i? what is the meaning of life? does it have any meaning?

tiger got to hunt
bird got to fly
man got to sit and wonder
why, why, why
tiger got to sleep
bird got to land
man got to tell himself
he understand - bokonon

i look up at the stars and think about primitive man doing the same. what did he think about them? what is out there? is anything out there? are we humans so egotistical as to think that in all of the universe, space eternal, there is no other life as we know it or otherwise? why is it that all religions have one thing in common? that thing being god or gods in the sky/heaven. cave drawings that depict gods descending from the skies and bibles preaching about god in heaven seem to me to be one and the same.

i don't buy into religion. i tried. i looked at many. i wanted to believe, but in the end none made enough sense to me. none had any real answers. i do however, believe that there are mysteries and miracles that are most profound. are we not, in fact, walking miracles? is life itself not a mystery? look at a rock and then look in the mirror. while the physiological make up of that rock may be somewhat complex, we are a most complex organism. are we not? we breathe, we bleed, we multiply and we ask why. so, man needs to understand that which he is incapable of understanding. this is quite the dilemma.

i wonder who it was that first thought up the idea to put an answer to all the unanswerable questions. who are we? we are god's children. where did we come from? god. who made us? god. who is god? god is the almighty, the creator of all things. where is god? god is in heaven. where is heaven? god only knows, but when you die if you're good you'll go there. god always was and always will be. it goes on and on. religion, what a concept. if the answer is "i don't know" just substitute the word god. its so shallow that there isn't even anything to swallow. wouldn't you rather know the truth? wouldn't you like to know if there really is a purpose to this life? although there are hundreds of them, religions just don't provide any real answers. i even thought about starting my own. but i don't have the answers...only the questions.